I remember my first Relay for Life that I attended (about 2 months after my diagnosis).  I was working in the survivor booth and I ran into a lady that worked at a medical clinic - she was there with her grandson who was a brain cancer survivor.  Her grandson had just recently had surgery too.  Although they were not able to get all his tumor out, they got most of it and they were confident that they had it under control.  Her grandson was 6 years old. 

I thought to myself, as she was telling me about her grandson, how unfair is life.  Here I am, well into my 30's and when I was first diagnosed one of my thoughts were why me  - I was feeling selfish and self-centered.  I see her grandson and think, why him?

Fast forward to this years Relay for Life, held this past April in my hometown.  I didn't see the lady and her grandson.  I thought maybe the family was on vacation or sometimes when people do real well, they like to forget they had cancer and try to avoid anything that reminds them.  Whatever the reason, I missed them and wondered where they were.

Today I pick up the paper and read her grandson's obituary in the paper.  I hate this.....i just don't have any words that can express the way I feel...........he was 7 years old.............

Just a quick update.......it's been 1 year and two months since my tumor was removed and I'm still cancer free!!!  My scans have been spaced 6 months apart now.

I hope everyone's doing great and is blessed!

In February 2008, I went to the doctors thinking I had an ulcer or something; I'd get a pain on my left side when I got nervous (like having to give a speech at work, etc.).  The doctor thought I had diticulitis (?) and ordered a CT scan.  I had the CT scan on a Wednesday and on Friday, at 4:58 pm, my doctor left a message on my answering machine for me to call the office right away, about the results of the CT scan.

Well at 4:58, I'm still at work and by the time I get home and get the message, of course the office is closed.  I called the office's "urgent" number and spoke to the doctor on-call; I was told that the results must not be to "tragic" or else they would know about it; that I needed to call the office on Monday to get the results.

So after my long weekend of wondering what they found on the CT scan, I call the office and the doctor tells me that they found a large mass on my left kidney, that I would need to see a nephrologist to "rule out cancer".  The doctor also told me that since my medical insurance lets me self-refer, that the office would not help me find one; I needed to.  So for about the next 4-5 hours, I'm calling all the nephrologists I can find to make an appointment; I didn't research where they went to school, etc.; I just picked the one that would see me the soonest (most that I called would see me in 2-3 months - I wanted to be seen asap, that day if they would see me).

The following week I see a nephrologist who tells me that she didn't think the mass was cancer becaue it had calcium deposits on it (been there too long), but that I would definitely need the mass removed (it was as big as a soft ball).  She orders a bunch of test and I'm supposed to see her the following week.

One of the tests ordered was a kidney function test (they inject you with some radiation or something and you're suppposed to lay on this table for 30 minutes while they take picutes of your kindeys).  It's kinda funny, I was half-way through the test and the lights to the hospital went out (what are the odds of that).  The lights were only out for maybe one minute, but it messed up test and I had to have it reschedued.

Anyways, i go back to the nephrologist and I'm told that I definitely have cancer, that I needed to see a urologist "right away" (this doctor actually refered me to one - a great on at that).

I was devestated.  How could it go from "pretty sure" it's not cancer to it is cancer and that I'd better get it taken care of right away.  That was a pretty gut-wrenching experience; I can't describe the empty, twisting feeling that I got in my stomach.  All I could think about were my kids, who are 5, 5, and 8.  I tried to think back to see if I could remember my mom and dad when I was 5 or 8; I couldn't.  Then I thought, "Why me?" and then I felt guilty because I wouldn't want that wished on anyone.  Then I just tried not to feel anything at all.

Right in the parking lot, I made an appointment with the urologist.  The urologist told me that I would need my left kindey removed (he did it laproscopically; I had it on a Tuesday morning and was out of the hospital the next afternoon).  The following week, at the follow-up appointment, he told me that my cancer was renal cell carcinoma, papillary type (grade one).  He said that my cancer didn't spread, it was all confined to my kidney and that I was pretty lucky.  He also said that I wouldn't need radiation or chemo becasue they don't work for kidney cancer.

I have to go back every four months for a cancer (?) check (CT scan/x-rays, etc).  I know that I'm going to be a nut job everytime that comes up, waiting for the results.  My whole thing, from the time the mass was found until my kidney came out, was less than a month (I was blessed was a cancelation and got in to surgery early).  I still feel guilty feeling the way that I do soemetimes about the cancer, there are a lot of people that have gone through a lot worse that me so what am i complaining about?  I did find a lot of comfort in reading God's word and praying (1 Corinthians 13:7  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.)

Anyways, I hope I didn't bore anyone who bothered to read this, just needed to get some of it off my chest (sorry for the typos/grammar - no spell check :0)